Saturday, November 15, 2014

Sphnix Goddess of Passage



The Egyptian goddess Sphinx has roots in Greek mythology, as well.  In fact, traces of this creature can be found as far back as Mesopotamia.  Depending on where you look you will find her described as part woman, part lion, with wings, fiercely protective of the passage into the after life, and a riddle. Riddle?  Odd place to stick a riddle for the dead who simply want passage to death into the after world.  Dirty enough job so if a riddle makes it more fun, why not? So what is the lesson Sphinx imparts, I wonder.

The riddle was key to what Sphinx did in performing her duty.  She was an over achiever.  She excelled in toying with her victims...so like a cat.  The riddle went like this; what walks on four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs in the evening?  Well, the answer,of course, is MAN! But what makes the Sphinx's story so sad is this was her one and only claim to fame.  Oh, sure, she killed nearly everyone who begged for passage, and she was feared because of her success rate in killing the losers. But Sphinx was so confident in what she did that it never occurred to her to switch up riddles once in awhile.  Eventually someone did get it right and this was the undoing of Sphinx. She destroyed herself.  She could not tolerate having failed and so ended her own existence.

So, the lesson.  Right.  Well, for one thing I think it's obvious she failed to plan for the day someone would get it right.

How many times have I gotten into such a routine that doing something as simple as switching purses could so throw me off my game that nothing went right all the rest of the day?  Many.  I like to think I've planned for every conceivable variable in problem solving but it never fails the one I didn't see coming is the one that ruins everything.  The Sphinx didn't even bother with a Plan B because of arrogance.  How does that go?  Pride precedes a fall.  We women tend to get caught up in this belief that if we don't do IT, IT won't get done and that will be end of life as we know it.  Partly because it's just easier to do things ourselves than argue with someone over how it should be done if we aren't going to be the one to do it. We get played a lot of the time.  Spouses being spouses and kids being kids, they all know if the job is done wrong, really, sloppy wrong the first time, we won't ask them to do it again.  We've got to be better sports at being played.  It's time to turn the tables on some of these requests at let the players get played.  And then remind ourselves life is too short to lose it over sour clothes because someone waited too long to get the wet things into the dryer. 

Secondly, Sphinx was an expert in ONE thing.  She created a life built on ONE thing...one interest only.  As we move through our lives from girls, then career women, and most likely into motherhood at some stage, we all need to guard against being so focused on climbing the corporate ladder, or raising children that we fail to actually live.  Jobs come to an end eventually,  Children leave home one day.  And women who spent so much of their lives being interested in the job or the children might find they are no longer very interesting to others.

Growing up we were all over the place in our dreams and passions.  Then we landed whatever corner of paradise that made us feel whole and we moved to the back burner our wanting to be an artist, a dancer, or an author.  We vaguely remember wanting to do SOMETHING where working around animals was important.  What ever that dream was, it sort of got lost while we were learning how to write grants for the company or guiding a group of girls in Girl Scouts, year after year.  It was just too important at the time to stop moving forward in the job or telling the girls that you couldn't work with them on that most important night of the week. Thinking about taking a class in water color, just for you, just for fun, just seemed selfish at the time. Weeks turned into months and then years and finally you are at the top of that ladder at work.  Or you are the Mom now mediating and mentoring for The Girl Scouts. No one gets the job done quite like you. And then it happens.  Those YOUNGER moms enter the picture. They are so much more in touch with what these young girls want now. Those YOUNGER and more hungry co-workers start nipping at the heels, wondering how much longer you'll be relevant in this job you're now an EXPERT at.  

It's a cycle.  It goes around and around and around.  And it never stops.  I've looked at brochures aimed at retirees, whether it's selling vacation homes, or laxatives and wondered just how many people of retirement age are really satisfied with where they are now in that demographic we all used to simply disregard; the 55-75 age group.  Then I wondered how many, if asked, would say they wished they'd planned for life with 'honey' in the retirement years.  I wondered how many couples considered having to be around each other all day long and into the night, as retirees who don't have to be any where at any certain time any more. I have friends who can laugh about it now, but at the time is was no laughing matter.

One friend retired a couple years after her husband and he was wired for sound the first few months. She'd come home and closets had been rearranged, and wire hangers replaced by heavy duty plastic hangers. She was a wreck trying to deal with all the changes he was making and finally put her foot down when it came to the pantry.  She told him if he touched anything in her pantry she couldn't promise a divorce lawyer wouldn't be called in to fix things.  Another friend created a transition job after retiring by volunteering in a program that provides assistance in delivering meals and even feeding shut ins. She's worked it into a reliable part time volunteer job where she can still be available to watch her grandchildren for a certain day each week. She's also available for lunches or brunches with friends, which keeps her busy and out of her husband's hair for a few hours each week.  

Learning to be happy around each other after so many years of spending the better part of the day at different locations is a huge adjustment.  It's so easy to get comfortable in routines that bring us together just long enough for a weekly romp in bed and then right back to matters that keep the family from falling apart.  Then we wake up one morning and there are no other distractions, no other mandates, and it's just the two of you staring at each other. You realize how annoying his constant clearing of the throat is and he wonders just how long it's going to take you to learn how to make good coffee. You find excuses to run errands, or start spending more and more time in the garage; anything to keep from having to exchange words until closer to dinner time.  Wow.  When did we stop being as interested in each other as we were interesting to be around?

Sphinx could have used a really good friend who might have chided her into 'getting a life'. Instead her one and only interest destroyed her.  It's a cautionary tale for not making one thing our whole reason for living. Whether it be your spouse, your children, or your job, find other things that interest you and make you interesting. Life is all about change. Allow yourself the pleasure of finding pleasure in a variety of things. Be ready for transitions that everyone faces, eventually.  Go ahead and be the BEST at what you do, just find a way to engage in other interests as well.  

I learned so much watching my in laws age. Kids were long grown and it was just the two of them. He was very active and enjoyed bowling and golfing with friends at least once a week.  As soon as dinner was over he was out the door.  She enjoyed being able to dominate the television while he was out.  Then things started to change between them. I don't have the specifics but suddenly they were BOTH taking square dancing lessons together. They took more vacations together or with other siblings and their spouses. There was the weekly siblings-only dinner for all the surviving brothers, sisters, and spouses. They laughed and sang and told stories til nearly half past 10:00, on a good night. They had some great years together before illness set in and took them both within 6 months of each other.  I remember her saying once after a vacation they took in the car that she loved traveling with him.  He was so interested in making sure she saw things she was interested in.  It was never too much trouble to stop and get something to eat or take a road completely out of the way just to see some tourist attraction they'd over heard someone talking about.  Both still enjoyed each after other all those years.  Still makes me misty.

We can start now making sure we're doing something of interest with people who interest us at least once a month.  If we're successful that transition between working for others into just doing what we like will be without speed bumps and detours.  We are in a cycle and it never stops so if you aren't having to deal with staying as interested in something else as you are interesting to others right now....you will have to deal with it eventually.  Heads up.  It will happen.





1 comment:

  1. You nailed it! I have been thinking about this since I retired and have not taken enough steps to address it. I DO have to find something else of interest to me so that I can grow and continue to feel vital, interesting and in so doing be more interested in my life's partner. You may finally get me past the "thinking about it" stage. Thank you!

    ReplyDelete