Saturday, November 22, 2014

Persephone Goddess of the Underworld




Persephone, kidnapped by Hades, found herself in a bit of a dilemma. Her mother, Demeter, furious to learn her husband, Zeus, had consented to the kidnapping of their daughter, refused to allow the earth to flower.  Nothing would console Demeter.  When it became critical that the earth bloom again, Zeus agreed to have the girl returned.  Just one problem.  After being rescued she wrestled with the truth; she rather missed that nasty old underworld, and the friends she had made there. What could she say?  She liked it down there.  Because she had tasted of the food of Hades, she was bound to spend part of every year with her husband in the Underworld. Persephone was torn between playing the victim and counting every day until she could rejoin Hades.  

As women, it's important we stand up to what we do but more important we teach our children to be accountable for the choices they make and except the consequences those choices bring. I don't know why it's called tough love when we simply allow natural consequences to teach.  Children should know early that some of their choices cost them more than the fun they had breaking the rule.  Lessons learned early in life save time and money. We have a nation of people who play victim in predicaments of their own creation. We make hundreds of choices in a day. Sometimes we make really stupid choices.  The problem with too many of us these days is that we feel someone else should have to pay us, literally, for being stupid.

Who really doesn't know coffee from a fast food drive-thru is too hot to safely be cradled between the legs while driving?  Really?  It's HOT coffee sitting in a flimsy styrofoam cup that you tuck between an area of the body where skin is as close to being as soft and tender as it was when you were born.  What could possibly go wrong as you weave in and out of traffic and have to make that predictable sudden stop in rush hour traffic? But, by all means, blame the coffee and get a lawyer to convince a jury the coffee, indeed, was in the wrong. No mention of how stupid a driver has to be to tuck hot coffee between the legs and hit rush hour traffic. Cha ching for both the lawyer and the stupid driver.  Choices have consequences but if you're smart enough to hire the right lawyer, you get paid for being stupid.

When you campaign on making transparency a right to your people, it shouldn't take an act of Congress to get the truth, or at the very least, the facts when something goes wrong. Being a man of integrity means we don't have to listen to you make excuses or blame everyone around you when you fail to do what you promised.Just admit it. You made a promise you could not keep. Of course it will damage the good press you had going, but it also means you will be hailed as a man who feels badly when he can't deliver on what he promised to deliver. Having a conscience is nothing to be ashamed of and it certainly is not a sign of weakness. Our leaders owe it to us to have the strength of courage to admit when they've led people to expect more than is possible at this time. It can be done without throwing anyone under the bus, too. Integrity trumps failure. We are a nation starving for honest and forthright leadership. We are a nation of people who are learning the hard way that we can't trust our leaders when getting a vote is more important than actually serving the entire nation, not just those who voted for you. And this trickles down to what children learn just by observing. And our children need to learn that honesty and integrity are to be valued and admired above all learned skills at schmoozing voters.

Persephone was victimized when Hades snatched her from her flowery meadow, and forced her to be his wife.  What she couldn't come to terms with was how quickly she had acclimated to such a drastic change in environments. Her mother was so distraught she had condemned the world to nothing green again; not another fruit, not another blade of grass until her daughter was back in her arms.  How could Persephone justify actually loving her role as Queen of the Underworld?  A role she took to so quickly and was very skilled at performing.  It wasn't her fault she was kidnapped, she reasoned.

How many women are guilty of playing the victim with the same abuser time and again?  I understand it's difficult for a multitude of women to get away from abusers, the ones they've fathered children with, depended on for survival, even as they suffer at their hands day in and day out.  But once out, how do they justify going right back into the same environment so many people worked to get them out of safely?  And this happens more often than anyone would like to believe. It takes courage to accept the help needed to leave a toxic environment. It also takes courage to admit those times, when you thought it just might work for everyone involved without long term damage, were times spent in denial. There was long term damage. Children become collateral damage and someone else's problem in some therapist's office. And a cycle is born. 

Persephone's arrangement was that she live in both worlds at different times of the year, thus providing us with our changing seasons.  The decision was made, but she never allowed herself the freedom of declaring her choice in the matter. She did not own up to her true happiness with the arrangement. She preferred telling her story as a victim rather than a woman in control of a situation she didn't choose.  True victims battle with the reality that even as they were being victimized and preyed upon, their bodies betrayed them into believing they were active participants.  It's the worst part of helping someone who was taken advantage of by a predator.  They understand what happened to them was wrong, but they can't explain how, at the time, it could have felt so right.  This is the real face of being a victim. Learning to accept that what happened to them was not of their choosing and that now they have no obligation to take any measure of the blame.

Then there are the wanna be victims.  The ones who made choices that didn't go as well as they hoped and now they choose to play the role of victim in order to be accepted back into their communities. “I didn't do anything wrong, this is not my fault.” is over heard time and again. But they know the truth. Reasons are not excuses.  Everyone has a reason for making an impulsive decision; just ask any lawyer. Reasons do not excuse you. Admit it. Maybe you ignored warnings by friends to avoid whatever it was that was luring you.  Or you ignored warnings just to be rebellious, just to prove how invincible you were, like we've all done at times in our lives. I, myself, am amazed nothing so serious happened to me with some of the really stupid risks I took as a young woman. So, it's time to be honest with ourselves. It starts with taking responsibility for failures and problems that weigh us down. 

Nothing has to be permanent, but until you can accept your part in your own dilemmas, you’re doomed to repeat them. If you, like Persephone, enjoy the role of victim, admit it, but understand the high price that comes with pretending to be anything you are not. It could cost you your own self-respect. Self-esteem is something we nurture and cultivate as individuals doing what enriches our lives, our authentic lives.  We need the empowerment and support from others but no one can want more for you than you want for yourself.  It is not the world's responsibility to make sure you like yourself today.  You must find your inner pride through the integrity that comes from being honest with yourself. When the price for doing something we know is wrong is higher than we thought it would be, we need to pay the bill and consider it a bought lesson; a lesson learned the hard way. 

We can, as one voice, demand changes in the way the media defines strong, beautiful, and sexy women.  We can, as one voice, pressure the powers that be to treat all women with respect.  Even though there will be women who take different roads to achieve that measure of respect. There will be those who use their celebrity to speak out against bias and disrespect of women worldwide.  And there will be women judged for setting us back fifty years every time they bare their breasts or butt in an attempt to further their careers.  And understand, women can be some of the most ruthless critics of other women.  We have to reach a place within each of us that can stand firm when it comes to lifting women up, instead of being first in line to throw the first stone.  We'll never get every single woman to stand as one in one voice, accept that.  We all grow at our own pace and judgement is not the answer. But if the world sees us as a credible threat to any attempt to devalue a woman simply because she was born with ovaries, we've left a much larger footprint on this world than our grandmothers and great grandmothers. They would be proud. 

The subject of self-esteem is viewed as mainly a female issue but mothers of boys know this is not true.  We need to help males and females understand the source of self-esteem or self-respect for the benefit of the all life on this planet. Self-esteem is the result of being happy with how we handle situations that come our way. Low self-respect is destructive. People who are not happy with themselves are careless and uncaring toward any and all who cross their paths. We need to focus on encouragement and empowerment of people so they see that they have the power to lift themselves up. It can be that one act of kindness toward another that, in turn, makes them feel alive. Every time we pass up an opportunity to be authentic and true to ourselves, we damage our own self-esteem. This creates a chain of effects. But, it's correctable. It's not a permanent state of being. Kindness is contagious. Smiles are free. A sincere thank you is good medicine. These consistent acts toward each other plant a seed that can grow into a feeling that insists on being authentic all the time.

Self-esteem starts with knowing the truth about anything. Our kids need to know the truth, right now. Truths like you get out of anything what you put into it. The world doesn't owe us a trophy just for showing up every day and doing what we were hired to do. Hard work is its own reward. You do not have a right to expect to be at the top of the ladder within three months of being hired for a job. There are going to be people you really don't like, personally but you will be expected to work with professionally. There is a school of hard knocks and it's called the Universal School of Experience and life requires you attend.  You won't learn everything you need to know about office politics in a classroom. You will learn, though. Your work ethic is one of the most valuable things you bring as a skilled employee and you should have started learning that in high school by attending every day and being on time to each class. Doing what you say you will do regardless the many reasons you can come up with for not doing it is called character. Reasons are not excuses. Character has always been praised but it's priceless in the world these days.  

Persephone had to play the victim in order to not disappoint her mother.  Her mother loved her enough that nothing her daughter did would have changed that, not even knowing what a kick ass Queen of the Underworld she was for a part of every year she wasn't with her. Honesty and integrity form the very foundation for our own self-esteem.  We might find ourselves victimized at times in our lives, but it's always our choice to be labeled victim. And at anytime that label no longer sits well with us, we should feel the solidarity of all women to shake it off, step it up, and learn the true meaning of survivor. You are worthy.


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