Lilith Goddess of Darkness

Lilith, Adam's FIRST wife, was a handful.  Yes, indeed.  She was created, as was Adam, from the dust of the earth, according to legend.  She was not created at the same time, however, and that was the basis of the brew-haha between them from her first breath.  

Adam had already been created and had been given total domain over all the living things God had created before him; he got to name them and he even found himself jealous of their coupling and affection for each other (this was Eden, after all). He tried mating with the females of various animals but felt no deep connection or bond.  So he did what any red blooded male would do when he's not satisfied; he whined to God about feeling rejected and lonely. So, God, wanting everything to go as smoothly as possible, took of the same dust of the earth and made Lilith.  What a looker!  She was curvy AND capable.  Oh, and she liked sex.  Adam was in paradise, literally. And she fit him perfectly and was, he thought, just as he fantasized his perfect mate would be, until she wasn't.

Seems Lilith was also very smart.  She KNEW God had already told Adam he was the boss over all the living things.  And Adam took that to mean he was boss over her, too. He even ordered her to lay beneath him for sex! She wasn't having it.  She was equal to Adam in almost every way; she was equal to Adam in sex appeal and drive. And before long she decided the only area they were not equal was intelligence because he wasn't getting it....she was NOT his slave. She rebelled.  Adam whined.  She ignored him. Adam whined even louder.  She stopped giving him her cookie.  Adam stomped his foot and cried out to God.  

God ordered Lilith back into Adam's arms.  Lilith took off.  God told  her that until she returned to Adam AND submitted to his authority, for every day she refused, one of her children would die. Her motherly instinct did not over ride her hatred of being told what to do, period.  If God had made her to be a belt, she was determined not to buckle under him! The carnage did not move her to submission.  The accounts vary as to where she went but one account has her vacationing near the Red Sea....an area known for the worst of the worst demons, and she got busy. Busy having lilim, that is.  Seems for every child of Adam's that was killed, she popped out a lilim.  She went on to produce 100 of the little suckers. So God struck a deal with her; He put her in charge of newborn children.  And she countered with an agreement that unless they were protected by an amulet bearing the three names of God, she would take their lives.    

Eventually God took a rib from Adam as he slept and created a docile and submissive mate for him and they lived happily ever after, until she shared an apple with him and Adam whined about her being too cute to resist and they were kicked out of Eden.  Life became hard but from the number of children they reportedly added to the planet, doesn't sound like Adam had any trouble getting it up for Eve.

Lilith went on to become the NIGHT TERROR according to Hebrew mythology.  

Okay, so how do I propose to link this with today's busy woman? So many ways to go here.  I could tap into the idea that in any relationship based on respect and equality, there still has to be a measure of submission going on.  Do women want a man totally submissive to them.  I didn't think so.  So that means the other person in this relationship has to acquiesce some of the control. How is this done in harmony?  Someone just accepts the reality that they can be right or they can be happy.  They understand this is in no way taking away from their ability to take control, they just accept that the more important issue for their continued success as partners is the harmony that only happiness can bring. What actually happens in long term relationships, any way is a shifting of roles from time to time.  It can occur out of necessity or through a trial period of time. People together for decades share that over time they just fell into a natural role that worked for the relationship. That's one way to learn from Lilith.

The other interpretation is one of stubbornness, or ego.  Lilith was right to be upset over the degrading set up she was given without benefit of negotiation.  Ordered to be at his beck and call.  Ordered to be on the bottom during sex.  She was as perfect a creation as Adam.  She was created in God's image, as was Adam.  So why all the second class citizen stuff?  To God's credit, He created a mate with spunk and wit and determination.  Adam needed a woman like that because, apparently he was a whiner.  God wanted what any parent wants when disharmony breaks out between offspring.  He wanted peace and quiet.  He wasn't concerned with how this would affect the one he was telling to shut up and stop causing trouble. Had God used more mediation between the two, He, no doubt, could have avoided the mess Lilith created.  But he didn't and with every, 'Lilith, shut up and do as Adam says!' her anger grew and grew to the point she was cutting off her own nose to spite her face. Her reasoning was reduced to a crumb and she wasn't giving in regardless the consequences.  But there are always consequences to our actions.

Lilith cost innocent children their lives.  She created turmoil and unrest that continues today because she went totally off the rails. Did she initially have grounds for her rebellion. Yes.  However, any time our actions cause injury to someone else, we have a bigger debt to pay.  

I guess the lesson I take from Lilith is this; make sure you are operating from an earnest conviction and not just to get your own way.  Intention is everything.  If your intention is just to force someone's hand to bend to you, you might have a bigger debt to pay before it's all said and done. 

Bullying is a trendy word right now and it's used when it has no place in a situation.  If you tell someone the color red is not working for them, this is not an example of bullying, but in so many situations this is how absurd the argument is laid out.  We've reached a place where if someone disagrees with us we feel obligated to call them a bully.  Bullying is serious and it causes long term damage, both physically and emotionally.  

Lilith bordered on being a bully, in my interpretation of the legend. She not only refused to submit, she wasn't phased by the loss of life her rebellion caused.  She wasn't moved to stop until she got her very own title of authority; Night Terror Over the Newborn.  Her 'if I was a belt I wouldn't buckle' attitude ended badly for her and the consequences of her insubordination were life altering for her own children.

How many times do we catch ourselves playing the same game? We see it play out in toddlers going through their 'terrible twos' and in teens driven by hormonal urges to break free of parental authority.  These are dangerous times for both ages because we know now that brains have not developed sufficiently at these ages to be making sound decisions based on hissy fits.  But what excuse does the twenty-something, thirty-something, or forty-something have for decisions based on just wanting the upper hand in a relationship?  Before deciding to take that grand stand for equality make sure the consequences don't involve a cosmic debt that begs for payment in full plus interest, like...tomorrow!

http://gnosis.org/lilith.htm

Pele Goddess of Vitality

Pele, Hawaiian goddess of fire, is best known for being both a destroyer and creator of land. Her lava devours everything in its path and where the lava cools when it reaches the ocean, new land is created.  One of six daughters and seven brothers born to Haumea, earth goddess, and Kane Milohai, creator of heavens and earth, she was a hothead, to say the least.  Her temper and aggression against her sister got her exiled.  Her sister sort of had a right to be nasty toward her, considering Pele had seduced her husband, or so he said.  

Her brother provided her with a good canoe and guided her to an island far away.  Being King of the Sharks, he could do that.  She carried with her, in egg form, her youngest sister, Hi'iaka, patroness of the Hula.  When she arrived at the Hawaiian island, she struck a place deep in the earth, but before she could finish she was attacked by her sister. Their battled raged on until Pele was torn apart. Legend says her bones remain at a hill called Ka-iwi-o-Pele.  

The argument can be made for or against Pele but what can not be denied is Pele propels us into vital action. She is a voice that resonates with passion and confidence. A woman’s will, thought, and mental attributes originate in the solar plexus...that place where deep knowledge of what is right, what is true, and what feeds us resides. 


It's not news to women that men devalue our feelings. When men go off script they are described as creative geniuses, deeply passionate, and devoted to leaving a giant footprint in history.  When women do the same thing, we're called nuts, sluts, whores, and hormonal mental cases. Strong women are judged to be deceptive, manipulative social climbers who need a man to get their leg up in the world.  They claim we are simply the product of our raging hormones. News flash.  We are all slaves to our hormones during our most creative and productive times during life. Both men and women are subject to the highs and lows of hormone production.  My theory is the happiest times in anyone's life are before hormones kick in, birth to eight, and after they've worn themselves down, age sixty to however long it takes to finally transition from physical life. Those times between eight and sixty are where our history is most compelling and worth reading. This is what sustains us in our old age, provides the most tears and laughter, and where our wisdom was molded, the hard way; through experience.  


I believe I am living at a time where women have the most freedom to strive, to conquer, and inhabit what ever passions drive them to break down barriers and walls built by men to keep us contained.  Men initially called it protecting us. We've since learned their true agenda was based on anything but protecting us. Men might finally be learning that women pose no more threat to their manhood by being allowed to grow into ourselves than other men have been to them in the form of creating wars to establish control and power over other men. The only problem we have now is that not all men are created equal, shock and awe, as is demonstrated in the archaic mentality inhabited in misogynous doctrines wrapped around religion that declare women to be nothing more than breeders for men. Once we can get beyond this ideology and in solidarity, take back the power these relics have abused for centuries, I think ALL women in all corners of the world will be able to shine as brightly or as discreetly as they like.  


From motherhood to board rooms, we have some catching up to do with regards to just how much has been stolen from us by men hoping to keep us from the reality that we are deserving of everything they've denied us. So if we sometimes come off as bitches when we're told we can't do what makes us happy, I hope men will cut us some slack and back the hell up.  They haven't done such a bang up job of ruling the world if you judge them by the number of wars and uprising going on around the world.  We've had just as many women working on technology and innovations to make life better, but the credit has been slow in coming.  Please don't be so quick to call us ball busters when we stand up and demand to be heard and seen for what we've been bringing to the table for centuries while men took all the curtain calls.

Pele brings action.  You will not just stand still in her presence and live to tell it. Pele compels us to move.  Passion is loud, it's forceful, it's intense, and it leaves a mark.  That's the whole point.  Be not afraid to feel, to show what you feel, and to inspire others to feel what most makes them feel alive.  This is living. This is what creates the history that will sustain you in old age.  Don't be undermined by this trend that bases wisdom and worth on beauty.  Your worth is not in how long you can hold back a wrinkle.  Your worth is not dependent upon how perky your boobs are through all the changes a woman's body naturally takes as she ages.  We age from the inside out, the same place our true beauty resides.  Live in abundance, from where your passions, your dreams, and your hopes spring to life; your will to be, to laugh, to love.  You think and therefor you are!!! Whether it's to mentor, to coach, or to actually sweat under the spotlights, your passion is calling.

Women need to understand this one principle; we are now what we have always hoped we'd be someday.  The walls around us are coming down.  I'm not saying it's a walk in the park and right there for the taking.  It's never been easy to get every thing you always wanted.  It's work.  It requires relentless faith in yourself.  The kind of faith that has you spending every waking moment preparing for that opportunity when it knocks.  If you can't relate to the idea of losing sleep because you're driven to work on a skill, then you're not operating from your own passion.  Find your own passion.  Find that thing that others call work but you call fun.  When you can't see yourself doing anything else and being totally satisfied, you've found your passion.  Now, run with it and don't let anyone change your mind.  Even if you have to subsidize your dream with some temporary form of work, stay sharp and keep your passion alive in every minute you call your own.  You'll find coincidences in the opportunities that arise to satisfy your need to maintain your passion.  When you look back, one day, you'll see that by keeping your dream alive, all roads led to finding that outlet to your passion.


Thoughts become things. Live with the truth that a thought created once has power, but a thought created repeatedly has awesome power. What was once a thought can soon be tangible. You are raw energy bursting with the ability to create!  Pele is that driving force, that need to create, that deep desire to move, to live, to inspire.  And the destructive force that Pele brings can be in a cleansing of old ways to make room for the new.  It's all in your attitude.  The world is waiting for the next great concept, performance, innovation, miracle drug, discovery, novel, art work, design, theory.....courtesy of you!

Kali Goddess of Empowerment

Kali, Hindu goddess for empowerment, is possibly the most misunderstood of all the Hindu goddesses.  Her association with death has led to the belief she brings violence and destruction.  What is true is she brings change.  She is the one who roots out what is slowing or injuring our growth and sometimes that isn't pretty.  But Kali is mother love.  When you think of Kali, think tough love.

She is a liberator.  She will bring about those events that force you to make a choice.  You can't pray for strength and then refuse every opportunity to show how strong you are and still ask Kali to make you strong.  Either you're willing to do what it takes to be strong or you choose to be weak.

She opens your eyes to what is holding you back.  She brings truth to the table and when she is finished you will not only own your role in what is slowing you down, but you will have a road map to getting yourself out of the quagmire you find yourself in and the strength to pull yourself out.

I am so tired of hearing people whine about how bad they have it, how they just never catch a break, or how being what ever gender, race, age, or religion they are has cursed them.  For every person who bemoans the fact they can't get ahead because of circumstances beyond their control, I can show you hundreds who succeeded under those same circumstances.  Successful people often climb over the heaps of people belly aching about not being able to get ahead to get ahead!

Kali wipes the haze from in front of the eyes and exposes the truth; you are what is keeping you down.  Your own negative thinking has placed you where you are on the ladder of success.  Until you see how damaging your thinking is to how you approach obstacles, nothing and no one can help you for very long.  You are your own worst enemy.

Is it hard work to get where you want to be?  You bet.  But it's worth every drop of sweat.  The secret successful people have shared for centuries is this; do what you love and you'll never work a day.  It's not about trying to DO WHAT OTHERS DO.  It's about FINDING YOUR OWN PASSION.  The amount of success you achieve depends on the amount of sweat equity you're willing to put into it.

Be honest with yourself regarding what you really want out of life.  Some people shudder at the idea of being in the spotlight.  I do.  The last thing I want is to be the one making the speeches, posing for the photos, giving the interviews.  I want recognition, but on a seriously dialed back level.  I am most happy making things happen from behind the curtain.  Isn't that where the Wizard was most comfortable?  That's me.  The one keeping all the balls in the air from behind the curtain.  I do not envy the high profile achievers because I adore my privacy.  But to others, it's the heat from the lights that warms their souls.  More power to them because it takes a team to keep them looking spotlight-ready.  I want to be on the team...not under the hot lights.

Kali has unwavering judgement, strong willpower, and penetrative insight.  Once she gets you in her cross hairs, because you've asked, she won't give up on you until she's broken through the walls you've built up around yourself.  She will bring to the surface your attachments to people, possessions, and more importantly how you react when you're threatened with losing them.  It's these kind of adjustments that bring most people to their knees.  It's the source of the warning Be Careful What You Ask For...You Just Might Get It.  Even though what we think will be the end of us usually ends up being what frees us.

When things seem out of control, or coming at you all at once and any change in routine feels like a root canal without anesthesia, this is Kali telling you that you're out of balance with life.  I've gone through stretches of time where one thing after another hit me to the point I was in tears.  That stupid tree that cost me money I didn't have to spare to have it removed in late summer was likely the very tree that would have been on my roof when the now infamous October Surprise downed thousands of trees all over the city when the ice storm hit.  I sat in my cozy house, listening to limbs crack and fall so thunderously they shook all my windows, but not one tree that fell under the weight of thick ice was near my house.  I reflected on how badly I had acted over one more thing hitting me in the checkbook.  In reality, I was being protected.

Right now I am in the midst of a blitzkrieg against my savings because of an error in a tax return from a couple years ago, a plumbing issue that won't quit because apparently there were no code inspections when the house was built, and unexpected car repairs.  It's one thing after another and I'm trying really hard not to panic.  I do know, all the changes that these issues are bringing about are necessary.  I know that eventually, somewhere down the road, I'm going to see how everything that happened fits perfectly with what I needed to learn or where I'll need to be at some point in the future.

I also know that life ebbs and flows, waxes and wanes, and eventually things will even out and, if I'm right to expect, start climbing out of the pit I find myself in currently.  I've learned not to get too cocky about things when I'm on the top because life is about balance.  You can not live your entire life at the top or the bottom before opportunities for change happen.  But you have to be in the right attitude to make those opportunities a reality.  If you insist on stinking thinking, don't be surprised when you have a constant run of disasters to fuel that thinking.

Life gives us what is most consuming our waking thoughts.  It is happy to give you more of what you insist on filling your mind, whether it's gratitude for what you have or whining over what you've lost or don't have enough of right now.  It's totally your ship to sail.  You captain the vessel and your smooth sailing or rouge waves are your own choosing.  I firmly believe in the theory of fake it til you make it.  At first this looking for the good in any situation is painful, but the sooner it becomes a habit the better for you.  When things are on the right path, life is full of positive energy and you're alert and secure, but it's even more important to hold tight to your attitude of gratitude when things aren't going smoothly.  Kali is at work.  Trust in the knowledge that life is about change and balance.  Learn to hold on to those things you cherish, whether it's people or possessions, with open hands.  Life held too tightly fights to be free.

Bast Goddess of Pleasure

Bast, from her home in Egypt, ruled leisure and was the official protector of cats.  The daughter of Re, the sun god, and according to one myth, the personification of the soul of Isis. She seemed to have two sides to her personality; a playful and gentle side, and an aggressive and vicious side when she was in full on defender mode.

Egypt adored cats. Cats held honorary positions in Egypt.  It should come as no surprise to learn cats were often treated better than people. The wisdom the goddess imparts regarding cats is uncomplicated, if you're a woman.  Women relate easily to cats, even if they don't consider themselves 'cat' people. Throughout ‘herstory’, cats have been there to witness the goddess’ triumphs and tribulations. It was patriarchal jealousy and fear that linked the cat to woman during the witch trials in the 18th Century. Cats were thought to be a witch's portal to the craft and just having a cat welcome a woman with a lusty purr was a threat to the woman's life. Who could have imagined cats could fall from such a lofty existence in Egypt to being persecuted and feared centuries later? 

Cats are as much fun to watch as they are amused by us.  Cats will entertain themselves with anything that catches their eye.  It's the movement that intrigues them. This is their playful side coming out to play. I love to watch bodies in motion.  So long as the body moves gracefully or with great skill, I am a captive audience. Being an artist, I look for inspiration as I watch ice skaters, swimmers, athletes, dancers, and people at play.  I love photographs that capture movement in runners and yoga poses.  The human body is a marvel but the healthy female body is nothing short of poetry. From the curve of a woman's neck, once thought to be the seat of seduction, to the arches of her feet, a woman's body is a sensual playground. Cats are equally intrigued with their own bodies.  The flexibility cats have when it comes to grooming themselves is enviable. For cats, it's all about them when it comes to comfort. I feel the same way when it comes to my own grooming rituals and little deters me after a tiring day.  I need my time to unwind and inhale intoxicating scents on my way to a hot bath.

Cats are also known for being aloof, but I would suggest what we mistake for being aloof could just be catching them in some transition between nap and ready to be seen.  I need more time than the average person to ease into my day.  I'm awake enough to dress for the day but I'm not fit for human interaction until I've had at least 30 minutes of quiet time with my coffee/tea and something to read. Demanding too much before then could force my claws to come out.  I know a lot of people who have their own patterns for entering into a new day. I know of one co-worker who takes the scenic route to work even though it's an added ten minutes to the trip.  They feel it's worth it to start the day less stressed.  I have to agree. Cats and stress just don't go together.

Cats, will, on the other hand, defend their territory or hiss when they feel something or someone is just not right. As women, we've been teased into submission over the mention of our intuition.  This is too bad because our intuition is the trade off we got for not getting the upper body strength men have to knock a predator into next week.  Is it any wonder they make light of it?  It puts us pretty much on equal footing if we keep it sharpened and ready at all times.  That intuition is your guiding light, that nudge you get when you feel that really nice man that offered to carry those bags to the house for you might not be so nice after all. Pushing it down and having that internal dialogue that reminds you how silly you sound for thinking the worst of someone so nice will have you asking yourself later why you didn't listen to your intuition.  Pay attention and don't be afraid to bring out the claws and hiss if you sense danger.  Cats don't slink around feeling ashamed because they caused a scene.  
Cats, like women, are in the world to enjoy what life offers. It's about making the best of each day, taking what comes, and looking our best as we make our way through life.  Enjoy the company you keep, enjoy the meals you take, make time to rest and groom yourselves because you never know when opportunity will knock.  And if you have to, bring out the claws to let the world know you're no push over.

Bast was protector, entertainer, and companion to those who understood the power of the cat. Cats, like the vast majority of women, are graceful, confident, and demand  their own space. Cats don’t want to be treated like dogs because they have the ‘cat thing’ down pat. Cats know what they like and how to get it. Women are on the same wave length. So make time to be alone with your own thoughts and dreams.  Purr when you’re happy and feeling secure.  Hiss and let the claws come out when your instincts tell you to be careful.  Bast would be so proud.

Juno Goddess of Unions

Juno, named for June, was a fierce protector of her marriage. She was

prepared to go to any length, and did, to keep her marriage afloat.  She took violent revenge on her husband’s mistresses and while we can admire her loyalty, fidelity, and passion toward her husband, we should also try to learn from her most obvious mistakes. 

According to legend, Roman goddess Juno, daughter of Saturn, sister (and wife) of Jupiter, and mother of Mars and Vulcan, was protector of marriage, pregnancy, and birth. In Greek legend she is called Hera.  Her strengths were loyalty, faithfulness, and devotion.  Her weaknesses were jealousy and vindictiveness.  

No where does it indicate she ever held her husband accountable for his unfaithfulness.  No where does is it recorded she got fed up with him and simply left him to fend for himself.  She took all her wrath out on his victims, which they became as soon as he wooed, won, or just took them.  Her service to her husband, the authoritative figure she vowed to support, was unquestionable. And this is what any decent, hard working man wants in a mate. right?  Who doesn't want a woman who never questions his role in infidelity?  Who doesn't want a woman who defends her spouse's behavior as nothing short of angelic and under attack by haters who just want to see perfection destroyed? Who doesn't want a help mate who never questions strange phone calls and hang ups, questionable body fluids on garments, and a noticeable lag in passion when he is at home....resting? Juno never questioned her own saturation points in her promise to be a loyal, devoted wife and mother.

It's one thing to be loyal and it's a whole different thing to be tied to someone who doesn't respect you for that loyalty.  It comes down to asking yourself why you should devote your life to someone who obviously doesn't feel you are all they need to be happy in the relationship. When someone is in love, they aren't looking for the next best thing around every corner.  If a partner has begun wondering if they settled for second best, it's time to re-evaluate the relationship.  My thinking is why hold someone to a vow if they aren't going to be happy enough to do the same for you.  

At any time someone feels they might have been trapped in a relationship with you is the perfect time to remind them life is short and shouldn't be spent trying to force any relationship into submission. However, make sure they understand they can't share your bed, your bathroom, your kitchen, or your heart while they search for their treasure.  Wish them well, wish them happiness, but send them on their merry way.

The other part to Juno's legacy was the wrath she reserved for the women she caught cavorting with her man.  The wrath was over the top and cruel.  She felt justified in her jealousy because she was so devoted and loyal.  In her mind because SHE was faithful, she would hold her husband guiltless by destroying any one who came between them, no matter how unimportant that sexual romp was to her husband. By establishing SHE was worthy, she felt justified in whatever cruel and destructive measures she took on his conquests.

This kind of thinking, of course, ignores the same truth that a happy man will not constantly seek sexual romps with other women on the down low.  If a woman's mate isn't going to be held accountable for their role in the infidelity then their union is not a union in the marital sense of the word. It's nothing more than a working relationship, a corporation where one partner handles the needs of raising the children and providing the necessary comforts of that home and the other maintains the financial strength of that union needed to support all the members dependent on that partner in the corporation.  It's not based on personal devotion or sexual/emotional intimacy. This is what most people refer to as being divorced.

Bottom line in this whole 'do you take' business is both partners have to be on the same page if the relationship is to move forward and remain healthy.  If at any point it becomes clear one partner has lost sight of or willfully disrespected the vow, the other needs to be prepared to say good bye.  No burning of clothes, no keying of cars, no stalking and criminal mischief of those who participated in the infidelity.  Your heart will be broken, but your integrity needs to stay in tact. Send the cheater away with the knowledge that they have quite possibly hurt the one person who would have stood firmly at their side in sickness and health, for better or worse, for richer or poorer up to and beyond the grave.  Sucks to be them now.  But you deserve to have someone at your side who feels the exact same way. Don't short change yourself just because you believe vows are meant to be kept. They are, but they won't be taken seriously unless both partners take them for what they are....promises written in true love.

Medusa Goddess of Female Wisdom

Medusa began as a fair-haired priestess, prized for her stunningly beautiful hair, serving Athena in her temple and fully committed to celibacy.  That was before Poseidon flattered her and eventually took her, in Athena's temple....as if he didn't know how that would irk Athena. To punish Medusa for the betrayal, Athena took revenge by changing Medusa’s beautiful hair into snakes that turned to stone anyone who looked at her.  Humiliated and shunned, Medusa eventually fled to Africa where she lived in isolation until Perseus killed her.  Medusa represents the darker side of female wisdom.

There are two lessons to glean from this tragedy. One being that of female vanity, and the other female jealousy. Women possess the same strengths working for or against each other. Vanity and jealousy are traits women should earnestly learn to recognize and manage. 

Jealous women will turn on each other before they even consider the source of betrayal or lies told by another in the committed relationship.  No one can be stolen from anyone they are devoted to in a relationship.  I don't care how seductive the 'other woman' is, it takes two minds to stay together.  This notion that another woman's sex appeal can entrap and beguile someone into betraying a beloved is a myth.  Oh, they'll happily use that as a reason when caught, believe that. But here's the truth; reasons are not excuses.  In any committed relationship, both people are never under any spell to commit infidelity.  So why is  it when the one you love deeply has wandered, the first person you turn your anger upon is the other woman.  And, as has happened more than once, the other woman is just as surprised to learn she is the 'other woman'.  She has been lied to, as well.  But jealousy requires only one victor.  And it gets ugly and sometimes this hatred lasts a lifetime.

Will this stop the cheating mate?  Doubtful.  Someone deeply in love does not wander.  Two people deeply in love will work to strengthen their relationship through trust and support. They will build a solid foundation on honesty and communication. Who wants someone who doesn't believe the one they are committed to is everything they need?  Who wants someone constantly searching on the down low for someone better? Who wants someone who, when confronted, lays the betrayal at the feet of the betrayed woman, in the form of manipulative guilt trips?  If your beloved is not happy, set them free. Let them wander the world looking for the woman who completes them.  Wish them well, but let them go.  The next woman is either going to boast of finally finding that perfect someone, or she will learn, as you did, that there can be no satisfaction with this one.  Wasting time guarding your love from other women is a waste of your time and energy.  Nothing can keep someone at home if they are not happy at home.  We are all responsible for our own actions and choices.  It really is better to be alone than to be with someone who makes you feel alone when you're around them.

The vanity thing I've never quite understood, frankly.  Beauty is fleeting.  And natural beauty is the result of a roll of the dice, genetically speaking.  How do you take credit for what you had absolutely no control of from the second egg met sperm?  But what is your doing, or undoing eventually, is choosing to use that natural beauty to your advantage again and again, until you no longer know how to get for yourself without trading on your looks. Manipulation based on exploitation of physical charms you lucked into is your shame, if this is your claim to fame.  That beauty can only be maintained for so long, even with the help of needles and chisels.  If you have spent your best years allowing others to fetch and carry for you, without benefit of sincerity or gratitude, you're in for a big surprise when the newer models hit the market. It begins when you can see for yourself that age is, indeed, marching on and understand no amount of botox can undo the damage for very long.  Then you sense that you are becoming more insignificant to those you've depended on for so long.  It's the realization that every thing you've created to fulfill your needs is superficial.  The first time you experience invisibility when you have to leave the comfort of your superficial existence for any length of time can be crushing.  You have not bothered to establish, nurture, or empower even one authentic relationship. You, yourself, don't know what being authentic means. People came to you and you simply rode the waves of adoration.  It was so easy. You were beautiful.  Past tense.

Take a good look at the real beauty of the woman who glows from inside out at the ripe old age of seventy.  She shines.  Wrinkles?  Oh, yes.  And she wears them like medals of honor.  She takes time to share wisdom she's learned along the way.  She is a survivor who holds no one responsible for her failures and mistakes.  She is empowered to love life and freely share what life has given her.  They are all around us, all the time. These kind of women are never alone.  These women are prized in their communities.  The world can't get enough of them and they are simply living authentically.  Age is just a number to them. They have been through hell and back, in many cases, but they live in the here and now and start each day giving thanks.  They embrace the universal truth that teaches everything that happens to us will make us either bitter or better; our choice.  This is true beauty.   

Medusa suffered from vanity and Athena exercised jealousy to get even.  Both women were fools not to see what fools vanity and jealousy made of them.  Women are so much better than this, when they want to be.  Women, as a whole, are capable of moving mountains to help those they are determined to lift up.  Women, as a whole, are showing the world they can't be stopped when they've made up their minds to do good for the world.  If only we could learn to better negotiate those two speed bumps, vanity and jealousy, that invariably get tossed into the mix as we march on. Women have enough predators in life. Another woman should never be one of them!

Persephone Goddess of the Underworld

Persephone, kidnapped by Hades, found herself in a bit of a dilemma. Her mother, Demeter, furious to learn her husband, Zeus, had consented to the kidnapping of their daughter, refused to allow the earth to flower.  Nothing would console Demeter.  When it became critical that the earth bloom again, Zeus agreed to have the girl returned.  Just one problem.  After being rescued she wrestled with the truth; she rather missed that nasty old underworld, and the friends she had made there. What could she say?  She liked it down there.  Because she had tasted of the food of Hades, she was bound to spend part of every year with her husband in the Underworld. Persephone was torn between playing the victim and counting every day until she could rejoin Hades.  

As women, it's important we stand up to what we do but more important we teach our children to be accountable for the choices they make and except the consequences those choices bring. I don't know why it's called tough love when we simply allow natural consequences to teach.  Children should know early that some of their choices cost them more than the fun they had breaking the rule.  Lessons learned early in life save time and money. We have a nation of people who play victim in predicaments of their own creation. We make hundreds of choices in a day. Sometimes we make really stupid choices.  The problem with too many of us these days is that we feel someone else should have to pay us, literally, for being stupid.

Who really doesn't know coffee from a fast food drive-thru is too hot to safely be cradled between the legs while driving?  Really?  It's HOT coffee sitting in a flimsy styrofoam cup that you tuck between an area of the body where skin is as close to being as soft and tender as it was when you were born.  What could possibly go wrong as you weave in and out of traffic and have to make that predictable sudden stop in rush hour traffic? But, by all means, blame the coffee and get a lawyer to convince a jury the coffee, indeed, was in the wrong. No mention of how stupid a driver has to be to tuck hot coffee between the legs and hit rush hour traffic. Cha ching for both the lawyer and the stupid driver.  Choices have consequences but if you're smart enough to hire the right lawyer, you get paid for being stupid.

When you campaign on making transparency a right to your people, it shouldn't take an act of Congress to get the truth, or at the very least, the facts when something goes wrong. Being a man of integrity means we don't have to listen to you make excuses or blame everyone around you when you fail to do what you promised.Just admit it. You made a promise you could not keep. Of course it will damage the good press you had going, but it also means you will be hailed as a man who feels badly when he can't deliver on what he promised to deliver. Having a conscience is nothing to be ashamed of and it certainly is not a sign of weakness. Our leaders owe it to us to have the strength of courage to admit when they've led people to expect more than is possible at this time. It can be done without throwing anyone under the bus, too. Integrity trumps failure. We are a nation starving for honest and forthright leadership. We are a nation of people who are learning the hard way that we can't trust our leaders when getting a vote is more important than actually serving the entire nation, not just those who voted for you. And this trickles down to what children learn just by observing. And our children need to learn that honesty and integrity are to be valued and admired above all learned skills at schmoozing voters.

Persephone was victimized when Hades snatched her from her flowery meadow, and forced her to be his wife.  What she couldn't come to terms with was how quickly she had acclimated to such a drastic change in environments. Her mother was so distraught she had condemned the world to nothing green again; not another fruit, not another blade of grass until her daughter was back in her arms.  How could Persephone justify actually loving her role as Queen of the Underworld?  A role she took to so quickly and was very skilled at performing.  It wasn't her fault she was kidnapped, she reasoned.

How many women are guilty of playing the victim with the same abuser time and again?  I understand it's difficult for a multitude of women to get away from abusers, the ones they've fathered children with, depended on for survival, even as they suffer at their hands day in and day out.  But once out, how do they justify going right back into the same environment so many people worked to get them out of safely?  And this happens more often than anyone would like to believe. It takes courage to accept the help needed to leave a toxic environment. It also takes courage to admit those times, when you thought it just might work for everyone involved without long term damage, were times spent in denial. There was long term damage. Children become collateral damage and someone else's problem in some therapist's office. And a cycle is born. 

Persephone's arrangement was that she live in both worlds at different times of the year, thus providing us with our changing seasons.  The decision was made, but she never allowed herself the freedom of declaring her choice in the matter. She did not own up to her true happiness with the arrangement. She preferred telling her story as a victim rather than a woman in control of a situation she didn't choose.  True victims battle with the reality that even as they were being victimized and preyed upon, their bodies betrayed them into believing they were active participants.  It's the worst part of helping someone who was taken advantage of by a predator.  They understand what happened to them was wrong, but they can't explain how, at the time, it could have felt so right.  This is the real face of being a victim. Learning to accept that what happened to them was not of their choosing and that now they have no obligation to take any measure of the blame.

Then there are the wanna be victims.  The ones who made choices that didn't go as well as they hoped and now they choose to play the role of victim in order to be accepted back into their communities. “I didn't do anything wrong, this is not my fault.” is over heard time and again. But they know the truth. Reasons are not excuses.  Everyone has a reason for making an impulsive decision; just ask any lawyer. Reasons do not excuse you. Admit it. Maybe you ignored warnings by friends to avoid whatever it was that was luring you.  Or you ignored warnings just to be rebellious, just to prove how invincible you were, like we've all done at times in our lives. I, myself, am amazed nothing so serious happened to me with some of the really stupid risks I took as a young woman. So, it's time to be honest with ourselves. It starts with taking responsibility for failures and problems that weigh us down. 

Nothing has to be permanent, but until you can accept your part in your own dilemmas, you’re doomed to repeat them. If you, like Persephone, enjoy the role of victim, admit it, but understand the high price that comes with pretending to be anything you are not. It could cost you your own self-respect. Self-esteem is something we nurture and cultivate as individuals doing what enriches our lives, our authentic lives.  We need the empowerment and support from others but no one can want more for you than you want for yourself.  It is not the world's responsibility to make sure you like yourself today.  You must find your inner pride through the integrity that comes from being honest with yourself. When the price for doing something we know is wrong is higher than we thought it would be, we need to pay the bill and consider it a bought lesson; a lesson learned the hard way. 

We can, as one voice, demand changes in the way the media defines strong, beautiful, and sexy women.  We can, as one voice, pressure the powers that be to treat all women with respect.  Even though there will be women who take different roads to achieve that measure of respect. There will be those who use their celebrity to speak out against bias and disrespect of women worldwide.  And there will be women judged for setting us back fifty years every time they bare their breasts or butt in an attempt to further their careers.  And understand, women can be some of the most ruthless critics of other women.  We have to reach a place within each of us that can stand firm when it comes to lifting women up, instead of being first in line to throw the first stone.  We'll never get every single woman to stand as one in one voice, accept that.  We all grow at our own pace and judgement is not the answer. But if the world sees us as a credible threat to any attempt to devalue a woman simply because she was born with ovaries, we've left a much larger footprint on this world than our grandmothers and great grandmothers. They would be proud. 

The subject of self-esteem is viewed as mainly a female issue but mothers of boys know this is not true.  We need to help males and females understand the source of self-esteem or self-respect for the benefit of the all life on this planet. Self-esteem is the result of being happy with how we handle situations that come our way. Low self-respect is destructive. People who are not happy with themselves are careless and uncaring toward any and all who cross their paths. We need to focus on encouragement and empowerment of people so they see that they have the power to lift themselves up. It can be that one act of kindness toward another that, in turn, makes them feel alive. Every time we pass up an opportunity to be authentic and true to ourselves, we damage our own self-esteem. This creates a chain of effects. But, it's correctable. It's not a permanent state of being. Kindness is contagious. Smiles are free. A sincere thank you is good medicine. These consistent acts toward each other plant a seed that can grow into a feeling that insists on being authentic all the time.

Self-esteem starts with knowing the truth about anything. Our kids need to know the truth, right now. Truths like you get out of anything what you put into it. The world doesn't owe us a trophy just for showing up every day and doing what we were hired to do. Hard work is its own reward. You do not have a right to expect to be at the top of the ladder within three months of being hired for a job. There are going to be people you really don't like, personally but you will be expected to work with professionally. There is a school of hard knocks and it's called the Universal School of Experience and life requires you attend.  You won't learn everything you need to know about office politics in a classroom. You will learn, though. Your work ethic is one of the most valuable things you bring as a skilled employee and you should have started learning that in high school by attending every day and being on time to each class. Doing what you say you will do regardless the many reasons you can come up with for not doing it is called character. Reasons are not excuses. Character has always been praised but it's priceless in the world these days.  

Persephone had to play the victim in order to not disappoint her mother.  Her mother loved her enough that nothing her daughter did would have changed that, not even knowing what a kick ass Queen of the Underworld she was for a part of every year she wasn't with her. Honesty and integrity form the very foundation for our own self-esteem.  We might find ourselves victimized at times in our lives, but it's always our choice to be labeled victim. And at anytime that label no longer sits well with us, we should feel the solidarity of all women to shake it off, step it up, and learn the true meaning of survivor. You are worthy.